Being compassionate is a fundamental aspect of our humanity. It involves the genuine desire to understand and alleviate the suffering of others.

In this article, I talk about The Dangers of Frog DNA in Our Inner Narratives which will pose a different perspective from my previous article Making tough decisions with Frog DNA Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park, tells the story of John Hammond and his team of geneticists who alter dinosaur DNA they discovered by filling in the missing chromosomes with the DNA from African Clawed Frogs which are closely related to dinosaurs. In the story this allowed them to resurrect dinosaurs in the present day. Though the innovative solution leads to groundbreaking success, it also unleashes a swarm of deadly dinos onto unsuspecting visitors. This concept serves as a potent metaphor for our inner narratives. Just as frog DNA introduces unexpected consequences in the park, inserting elements that don’t belong into our personal stories can create narrative tangles, disrupting our well-being and creating obstacles to our goals. The Allure of Frog DNA When the scientists find that the dinosaur DNA they are working with is missing sections of its code, they turn to frog DNA as a convenient filler. Initially, this seems a perfect fit, bridging the missing sequences seamlessly. Similarly, in our lives, we often encounter gaps or uncertainties in our self-understanding and personal narratives. We all desire completeness in patterns and stories, leading us to adopt ideas, beliefs, or behaviors that seem to fit. These might come from societal expectations, well-meaning advice, or even our misinterpretations of past experiences. We also might feel that we are not enough, are undervalued, or don’t measure up to others and try to alter ourselves using samples of beliefs, turns of phrase, or tactics from those who have shown success. The Hidden Costs In the book and the movie of the same name, using frog DNA introduces an unexpected trait: the ability of some dinosaurs to change sex so that there are both males and females of their kind, leading to uncontrolled breeding and chaos. This metaphor illustrates the unintended consequences of incorporating mismatched elements into our inner narratives. Consider the following: Untangling the Narrative When untangling these narratives, mindfulness is crucial. Here are practical steps to ensure our inner narratives remain authentic and healthy: Self-Reflection Regularly reflect on your beliefs, goals, and behaviors. Ask yourself if they truly resonate with who you are and what you value. Are the narratives helpful to you? Do they cause inner conflict and a derailment of your goals? Seek Alignment Strive for alignment between your inner narrative and your actions. Ensure that your decisions are a reflection of your inner values and desires. Ask yourself if this narrative you are retelling remains true to who you are and what you are about. Question External Influences Be critical of external influences. Just because something works for someone else does not make it a fit for you. Tailor advice and societal norms to fit your unique context. Embrace Your Gaps Understand that gaps or uncertainties are a natural part of being human. Instead of rushing to fill them with potentially harmful elements, allow yourself the space to grow and evolve organically. Real-Life Applications Conclusion Just as Jurassic Park teaches us about the perils of tampering with nature, it also offers a cautionary tale about The Dangers of Frog DNA in Our Inner Narratives. By being mindful of what we insert into our personal stories, we can avoid the chaos and harm from mismatched elements. Embrace your authentic self and let your narrative evolve in a way that truly reflects who you are. By recognizing the “frog DNA” in our lives and choosing more fitting elements, we can untangle and enhance our narratives. TLDR Inserting mismatched elements into our inner narratives, like using frog DNA in Jurassic Park, can lead to unintended chaos and harm. To maintain authentic and healthy narratives, we should regularly reflect on our beliefs, align our actions with our values, critically evaluate external influences, and embrace natural gaps in our understanding. This mindful approach helps us avoid internal conflict and live more fulfilling lives.

At my company Untangled Narrative, LLC, we use the components of storytelling to help our clients reframe and overcome their obstacles for more powerful personal and professional development. Because of the way humans process information, we have certain flaws in our reasoning that create unhelpful stories that we call “tangled narratives.” When we tell ourselves these flawed stories about our experiences, relationships, obstacles etc.., we can negatively impact our growth and success. By understanding and reframing these narratives, we can transform obstacles into opportunities. This blog post will explore the concept of tangled narratives, how they form, and why untangling them is crucial for achieving clarity and progress in life. In my own life I have struggled with focus, attention, and memory that for many years I told myself the story that it would hinder me from being able to do anything of real value for others. In my late thirties I discovered that what I am dealing with is Attention Deficit and that by focusing myself on my strengths instead of telling myself stories about my weaknesses I could build myself a career that utilized the eccentricities of how my brain functioned. The following is from the introduction to my book Your Untangled Narrative and lays the groundwork for what we do at Untangled Narrative. “We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.”  ― Stephen R. Covey What is a Narrative? To answer the question “what is a tangled narrative” it is helpful to first answer, “what is a narrative?” Here’s the definition according to the Oxford English Dictionary: Narrative –  /ˈnɛrədɪv/ NAIR-uh-div A narrative is a spoken or written account of connected events; a story. It involves a sequence of events, experiences, or the like, whether true or fictitious, expressed in words and arranged in a meaningful way to convey a particular message or theme. Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. “narrative (n.),” September 2023,  The definition is a good start but in our work together we will need to reference two types of Narrative: Objective Narrative and Subjective Narrative. To put it as simply as possible:  Objective Narratives An Objective Narrative tells what happened, and a Subjective Narrative tells how someone perceived what happened.  Let’s break that down even further… An Objective Narrative presents facts and events without adding personal opinions, feelings, or interpretations. It focuses on providing a clear, unbiased account of what happened, describing actions, settings, and dialogue in a straightforward manner. For this example of an Objective Narrative we will paraphrase the actions in a scene from “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” where Harry receives his letter from Hogwarts in the mail.  Example: One morning at the Dursleys’ house, Harry Potter and his cousin Dudley were in the living room. Vernon Dursley sat in a chair, reading his newspaper. There was a sound of the mail slot clinking at the front door. Dudley told Harry to fetch the mail. Harry picked up the letters from the doormat. Among the usual assortment of bills and advertisements was a letter addressed to him, written in green ink, and addressed to “Mr. H. Potter, The Cupboard under the Stairs.” Harry looked at the letter, but Vernon took it from his hands. Upon reading it, Vernon and Petunia exchanged glances and spoke in hushed tones. Vernon then told Harry to return to his cupboard. The facts of the Objective Narrative are easy to see: It is morning. They are at the Dursley’s house. The mail slot clinks. and so on… Subjective Narratives A Subjective Narrative incorporates personal feelings, opinions, and interpretations. It aims to convey the emotional and psychological experiences of characters, often giving insight into their inner thoughts and reactions to events. Above you can see an excerpt of the actual book, but now I’d like to try something different. Let’s retell the scene from the subjective point of view of Dudley Dursley as if he were the hero of the story. Example: Subjective Telling (Dudley’s POV) One ordinary morning, Dudley Dursley, the self-proclaimed hero of the house, swaggered into the living room. His father, Vernon, was predictably hidden behind his newspaper, leaving Dudley free to assert his authority. The familiar clink of the mail slot announced the arrival of the mail, and Dudley, relishing his self-imposed role, ordered Harry to fetch it. As usual, Harry obeyed without protest. Among the mundane letters, one stood out—a letter addressed in emerald green ink to “Mr. H. Potter, The Cupboard under the Stairs.” Indignation surged through Dudley. Why would Harry receive a letter? Anything of interest should rightfully be his. Before Harry could even touch the envelope, Vernon snatched it away, his face blanching. Petunia and Vernon exchanged anxious, urgent whispers, clearly disturbed by the letter’s contents. Dudley sensed the growing tension and felt a perverse satisfaction, knowing he was instrumental in maintaining the household’s pecking order. When Vernon sharply commanded Harry to return to his cupboard, Dudley felt a rush of triumph. He watched, his curiosity piqued, as Harry complied, bewilderment etched on his face. Dudley reveled in his role as the household’s linchpin, ensuring that everything remained under his control. You can see in this retelling that Dudley believes he is the linchpin of the household, when in the actual telling, Harry does all of the chores and the cooking and cares for the needs of the family. The Stories We Tell Ourselves In your life you have most likely been exposed to narratives in the form of entertainment such as movies, books, theater, tv, cartoons, poetry, comic books and games.  In our work together, we will be using what we know about crafting stories as a way of examining your real life narrative — the stories you tell yourself about who you are, where you’ve been, and what you are capable of achieving. These inner narratives shape your choices and give your life meaning.  They

I’m very excited to be working with Jason Scott Montoya again to do a new 90 day blogging challenge. We will be blogging every week day starting July 15th, 2024. I have a few goals in this challenge which are: Fellow Participants Here’s a list of those participating in the challenge as it begins along with links to where they’ll be posting. Categories for blogging Posts so far by day out of 90. Day 1/90 – The 2024 Ninety Day Blogging Challenge in category Jim’s NotebookDay 2/90 – What is a tangled narrative? in category NarrativesDay 3/90 – Mastering the Art of Blogging: A Comprehensive Guide to Writing Great Blog Articles in category Jim’s NotebookDay 4/90 – The Bias in our Narratives: A Closer Look in category ResourcesDay 5/90 – Day 6/90 – Day 7/90 – Day 8/90 – Day 9/90 – Day 10/90 –

It is 8:00 AM on Monday morning. You open up your laptop to check your email and there is still no response from your friend who you wrote to two days ago. That’s strange, you think.  They always reply back right away. This is when you start to think that maybe something is wrong. Has there been an accident? Or maybe it was something I said when we were on the phone together last week. Or maybe it was the email itself? You go back and read the email again. Perhaps it was the second paragraph. I thought when I wrote it that it might be too aggressive. Yeah, that’s it. That’s why I haven’t received a response. Three days go by and the story that you have begun to tell yourself about how unhappy your friend and colleague is with you has reached new heights. You have now decided that your friend is angry and that this situation may have become unreconcilable. You decide to pick up the phone and call but it goes straight to voicemail, of course. So do your next two calls. You obsess over the weekend about what you should do next. You just can’t imagine them having this big of a reaction. It is now Monday morning. You open up your email at 8 o’clock to start your day. There in your inbox is the message from your friend which reads, “I am home from vacation! I had a great week unplugged and off the grid! Can’t wait to talk to you soon and catch up.” Does this scenario sound familiar to you? How often do we interpret the silence of others? So frequently we attribute meaning, and even a fully fleshed story, to a complete absence of information. Perhaps this scenario seems a little paranoid to you. Let’s change the concept just slightly. In the email, we said something as a joke but upon rereading it we see it was something that could be read as offensive by your friend. Now the silence begins. No answers and phone calls go to voicemail. Seem any more plausible? When we interpret silence by giving a story where there is no story we open up our imagination to something that becomes dangerous. Recently, when talking to a friend, I heard about someone he dated who, if he didn’t respond to a text for five minutes, began to text again and again within seconds; each successive one rapidly filling up the text message inbox. He felt like he couldn’t be away from his phone even for a few minutes. Sure, this might stem from additional issues and insecurities but at a base level it is the silence that is being given the meaning. What if we agreed that silence has no meaning. If the person’s body language seems fine and there is no issue that you know of, then the silence means nothing. Not when we are eating dinner. Not when we are driving in the car. Silence is just silence. If the silence isn’t accompanied by signal or even noise then it holds no meaning. Body language is communication. Words are communication. Stern looks are communication. Silence on the other hand, is literally… nothing.

By now, most of us have heard the quote by renowned businessman Jim Rohn who said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.” Here are my five people and what they mean to me.